April 2017 Movie Preview

            Welcome to April! While most of the country is getting excited for spring and the possibility of going outside again without having to bundle up like an Artic explorer, in Louisiana it’s the beginning of summer. And that means preparing to stay inside to beat the summer heat. We’re drawn to the cool breezes emanating from our central air as a way to battle the oppressive heat and humidity. How do we beat the heat? We go to movies! So, let’s take a look at some of April’s big movie premieres and whether they’re worth your time.

April 7           

Smurfs: The Lost Village: Did you know that this is the third Smurfs movie since 2011 and the first two made 500 million and nearly 350 million dollars each? The studio considered the second film such a disappointment that Smurfs: The Lost Village will reboot the entire franchise. I’m pretty sure the premiere of a rebooted Smurfs franchise is a sign of the apocalypse, right between the appearance of the Four Horsemen and a giant earthquake.

Verdict: Only if you need to entertain children for 90 minutes, so you can get some peace and quiet.

The Case for Christ: Oh, look it’s another movie where white, evangelical, conservative Christians pretend that they’re some persecuted minority in the United States. In this movie, which you’ve definitely seen before, a journalist sets out to disprove the existence of God after his wife becomes a Christian.  Adorable.

Verdict: Pass

April 14

The Fate of the Furious: In this installment of the Fast and the Furious franchise… well who really cares what the plot is. There will be car chases, lots of talk about “family” (seriously it’s all the people in these movies talk about), and it will make lots and lots of money because the people in charge remember that the first rule of filmmaking is make it entertaining. Instead of another chapter in some overwrought mythology (I’m looking at you DC and Marvel).

Verdict: Have you seen the other that trailer? There’s a tank and a submarine shooting at one another?

A Quiet Passion: A movie biography of Emily Dickinson? If you’re an adult that doesn’t want to watch little blue mushroom people, this might be your best bet. Whether the filmmakers can mine Dickinson’s life for something beyond saccharine melodrama remains to be seen.

Verdict: Eh, maybe. Maybe just wait until it comes out on-demand.

April 21

Under IMDB’s releases, there is not a single movie that looks worth recommending or even discussing.  

April 28

The Circle: A young woman (Emma Watson) lands a job at a giant tech company called the Circle (ala Apple, Google, etc.) only she uncovers a mammoth conspiracy with global implications. The film also stars Tom Hanks as a Steve Jobs-esque CEO and Star Wars’ John Boyega as one of Watson’s coworkers. Now we’re cooking with fire, especially if the film can capture that 70s-conspiracy thriller vibe from films like The Conversation and All the President’s Men.

Verdict: I’ll be seeing this moving in the theaters.