Post Mardi Gras Report

Posted by Benson

Phew!  This Mardi Gras was crazy awesome!  I wish I could have posted this sooner, but I have been a little held up.  I did have to leave for New York on business Mardi Gras day and all.

Well, Liz and I totally made it to Bacchus this year and we had ourselves an awesome time!  We had planned to meet up with Jamie and her family, but we were sadly unsuccessful.  Now, this wasn't because Liz and I didn't get to where they were, I just couldn't find them in spite of the fact that I could have hit Jamie with a beer can from where I was standing.  Cell service was also virtually non-existent.  I suppose when 2,000 people try to check Facebook at the same time the cell towers go into crisis mode.

I could have nailed her if that kid hadn't been standing up so high

Liz and I got to the parade a little late, as in we got there an hour before it started rolling and that's what it looked like.  Jamie's husband Ryan and others of her kin had been camping out since the night before to secure a good spot.  Bill told me that it was fairly mercenary too.  Apparently he was the one drunk enough to shamelessly fed off tourists and small children with barrages of obscenity.

Supposedly Jamie is off to the left somewhere

But we didn't let this little snafu disturb us...well, I got a little frustrated, but a couple of beers made everything okay.  Even from where we were, Liz and I had a great time.  Although it took a little persuading, I eventually managed to get Liz to push to the front of the crowd with me and yell for beads like a true New Orleanian.  She performed with aplomb!  I have several videos of it that I will post once I get them off of my camera.

We were watching the parade on Napoleon street, which is where all of the local families typically set up.  The whole thing is like a giant tailgate.  The nice thing is that you don't have to get into fist fights with belligerent, drunken tourists.  You can get into fist fights with your belligerent, drunken relatives instead!  The bad thing for someone like Liz is that there are guys with kids all over.  No offense to Liz, but she's not the tallest person in the world.  Kids are short too until you hoist them on your shoulders, and then they're not only twice as tall as you, but terribly cute as well.  In other words, Liz had to work hard to get her beads.

Like all of the super parades, Bacchus was quite long and very impressive to watch.  We got to see Will Ferrel, which was awesome.  We were very early on the parade route and he seemed a little timid, but I hear he really got into it when the parade hit St. Charles.  He was even throwing little cow bells!  We got to see the Louisiana Bicentennial float, and we got to hurl beads at King Kong!  For those of you not from New Orleans, Bacchus rolls with a King Kong float, which you traditionally pelt with your beads.

I'm supposed to throw these things, right?

I gotta have more cowbell, baby!

Fat Tuesday was a big day for me.  I got dressed up in my post-apocalyptic costume and hit the streets of the Vieux Carre.  The costume was a big success.  It came out far better than I had expected.  Even my son Ieuan was super excited about it!  I think he enjoyed all of the necklaces, zippers, and doodads.  Liz was slightly disturbed by how excited he was with my tooth necklace, but when all of the baby toys are charred and irradiated, what are you going to do?

The whole group looked awesome.  Everyone put a lot of effort into their Mardi Gras costumes this year.  Most of my pictures came out a little blurry...which was totally not because I was inebriated or anything.  It was obviously the light that day, or the camera settings.  However, a few good shots made it through my sweet daiquiri-addled fugue.

Wes went with a very official look, with a set of auto mechanics coveralls and a fancy baseball glove epaulette.   He looked like the self-proclaimed dictator of a Fallout village.  Here he is sharing out the emergency Miller High Life rations.  You never know when your flask will suddenly run low.

Mark decided to go primarily with old tires and chains for hit post-apocalyptic duds.  He also had himself a genuine hubcap shield, which served him well when were were pelted with beads from Bud Light balcony party.

I assured those ladies that although I was flattered, I was not going to expose myself for their beads.  They did not react well to my polite rebuff, which was probably because it was composed of three words and an expressive hand gesture.  As we discovered, declining beads in such a manner is also a great way to receive them; very speedily and carefully aimed.

As usual, Clay outdid all of us with his costume.  He made it onto the news again, which is a yearly tradition.  We also ran into another group of folks who had similarly gone all out in honor of the impending apocalypse.  They had constructed a huge Ragnarok horse which they had carried into the Quarter in sections and assembled on site.  I was complete with a moving head, special effects, and its very own porta-potty!

Unfortunately, I had to leave early since I had to catch a flight to New York that afternoon.  But I was able to see the traditional crazy Christian fundamentalist protesters in their always fantastic Mardi Gras outfits!  These fellows come down every year with such dedication.  Their costumes seem to get better every time. One of them even has a sign which identifies the types of people that are doomed to Hell.  Every year there seem to be more sinners added.  This year we learned that n addition to all of the usual denizens of the abyss, "strong women" had been added to the roll of the damned.

Surprisingly, we did find Jesus that day too, and John Coffee.  Neither of them thought that any of us were going to Hell, which was very reassuring.  Besides, they had been yelling about how we needed to trust Jesus all morning.